With the Door Open…
Today, I finished the second draft of a short story I have been working on for about three weeks. I completed my edits this morning, and then sent copies of to a few carefully selected individuals guaranteed to tell me that this story is the best thing they have ever read1. This is the phase of writing that Stephen King refers to in On Writing as “writing with the door open.”2
So the door is open. Wide open…
And I must admit that I feel naked. Yes, Very nude (This is safe, I promise. We don’t peddle filth here).
I recognize that I’ve laid my soul on the line, even though the people I have entrusted my creation to are very close friends. But that might actually make it worse. One is a good friend who has heard me talk at length about my journey to here and has stood beside me in the struggles of the last several months. The other is my wife, whose praise I crave like the very air I breathe. So yeah, feeling a little exposed here…
And though I have been writing in some form or another for many years, it’s been far too long since I have reached this stage in the process. What’s more, it’s the first time since I decided last October to make a serious go at this thing that I’ve flung the door wide open, as Mr. King would say. So this might as well be the first time I’m doing this.
So yeah, I’ll admit I’m nervous. And scared.
And somehow excited like you wouldn’t believe.
It’s an odd mix, I know. But I’ll bet you know what I mean.
In fact, I want to know about your “door wide open” experiences. Tell me about one that’s vivid for you. If you’re a fellow writer, tell me about the first time you opened yourself up for feedback. What was it like? If you’re a seasoned vet, what is it like now?
Even if you’re not a writer, I want to hear from you, either here or on your own blog. Tell me about a time you felt like the door was wide open on your life, or your craft.
I’ll be sure to keep you all posted on how it goes for me. In the meantime, I look forward to hearing your tales.
- B
While writing this, I was listening to “Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect” by The Decemberists
Popularity: 39% [?]
- I’m kidding guys. I don’t really expect that. Unless it’s true, which it probably is [↩]
- contrast this to “writing with the door closed” which is his term for the creation of the first and second drafts where, as a rule, no one is allowed to see your WIP. And he means no one. [↩]
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February 12th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Congrats. That’s a hard step!
February 13th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Thanks Heather! I’d be interested to hear how this step went for you…
February 13th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Good stuff, Brandon. I’m sleep deprived, but once again your post strikes a nerve with me. So, I’m compelled to reply…despite my lack of lucidity. My intention in writing a resonse here is to melt away some of the feelins of vulnerability and doubt that accompany passing through that inevitable but awkward threshold of giving your best effort over to someone else for the sake of scrutinizing it. It takes courage to go there…and like those who fear the podium…many refuse to walk into those fears.
In the distant past, I wrote a monthly byline for software development managers in a globally distributed set of technical trade magazines. I still remember the first time I submitted an article to my editor. The process of writing can be, as you know, an exercise in work, re-work, disposal, do over, rush to a deadline, double-latte with four shots, entering the B-state where the passage of time is indiscernable and finally snapping out of it and FTPing the content to the publisher for revie.
The editor I was working with was a very transparent fellow and very opinionated. So, I was expecting my article to be returned to me with a massive amount of red marks, corrections,edits, etc. It never happened. It passed through with virtually no remarks at all…other than kudos.
When I inquired of the editor, he mentioned how he liked what I wrote and how I wrote it. He also mentioned that it was nice to have at least one contributor whose work did not require massive edits and revisions.
I was glad (naw…if I’m honest…I was massively relieved) to hear that. But, it was not enough to overcome that baseline sense of self-doubt that I carried at the time…and still do, to some degree. I was still not convinced that I was capable of cranking that kind of content out on a routine basis.
The editorial review pattern repeated itself month after month. My submissions were received and published with minor modifications. Furthermore, readers were writing in response. I was actually beginning to shed some of my apprehension and accept, or at least get comfortable the fact, that I had something worth saying and that I was being successful in communicating.
Over time, this began to positively affect my confidence in writing. I began to write from a position of “self-trust”…that my style and perspective were distinctive enought at the time to merit my position. Writing had become a passion (so long as I had something to say) and passing through the gauntlet of doubt into the wild frontier of creative writing was a short but neessary season.
(As I look back, it’s not like this was the first manuscript I ever submitted. I have to give credit posthumously to Dr. LaRoche. He was my two-term grammar college professor who was brutal in his review of my writings…I hated it at the time, but I’m thankful for the legacy of his ongoing influence as it affects my writings even to this today.)
OK…so, my point is that self-doubt and anxiousness abate over time as your confidence grows through success and through learning to trust yourself and intuition through each creative process. Just as a seed is very vulnerable when it is first planted, so it is with your first works. But for that seed to take root, it requires the further vulnerability of splitting itself open in the soil and exposing itself to the environment. Only then does the seed begin to grow and transform itself into something that is viable and distinctive.
So, pardon me (as I am 20 years your elder) if I express a little paternalistic pride in your efforts. It takes courage to immerse yourself in your work and then open it up for scrutiny. It’s the pathway to growth and maturity as a writer and I applaud you for taking the risk in going there. I believe it to be a natural an essential step in your development as a writer. You’re well on your way!
I’m for you…
February 13th, 2008 at 11:42 am
OK…the previous post was stream of conciousness..and the keyboard I am writing from did not fully cooperate. So, pardon the typos…
February 14th, 2008 at 6:57 am
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February 14th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Chuck, as always, you inspire and encourage me. Thanks for sharing your own story and your encouragement. It was very lucid…